She's Leaving Me

Mommy's leaving. She says she's going on a trip to learn something for work. She says she'll only be gone for a couple of days and that she promises to come back. But she's packing a lot of stuff and that worries me. How can I be sure that she's coming back? What if she's leaving us forever? What will Daddy and I do without her? We can only sit around in our underwear and watch TV for so long. Pretty soon I'd start to miss her. I wonder if she'd miss me at all. Would she stop thinking about me? Would she remember what I look like and how much I liked her petting me? Maybe I'll just wait by the window until she comes back. Just to make sure. So she knows that I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here when she returns. If she knows that, she'll have to come back for sure!

I Thought it was Spring...

...then why did the sun go away? We finally get some warm weather and it has to be ruined with never-ending rain. And it's supposed to rain all weekend. I don't think Mother Nature understands. I need to get out and mingle with my admirers. At least Easter's coming. Maybe I'll get to eat a package of Peeps like last year. **mmmmmmm** Even if I don't, I still get to go to the Three Dog Bakery easter egg hunt next weekend. I love it. While all the other dogs are hyper, sniffing each other and running around, I take my time and keep my nose to the ground, sniffing after them and finding all the treats they carelessly leave behind in their abandoned Easter eggs. Fools. Why would they want to waste time sniffing each others' butts and jumping on each other, when they could be enjoying yummy treats? I mean, come on, people. Smelly dog butts vs. free food. It doesn't take a genious to see which choice is superior.

Spring Has Sprung but Don't Expect Me To

Finally, it was warm for more than two days in a row. And the sun came out! And I got to go on a walk! We're talking outside of the side yard-sniffin' the bushes-antagonizing all the indoor dogs whose yards I peed in-poopin' under a tree kind of walk! Yes, this is the highlight of my life currently. Don't laugh. You wish your life was this dull. While you suckers are dragging your butts out the door in the wee hours of the morning to work cursing your lives, I'm debating whether I should curl up on the bed and lick my nonexistent balls or curl up on the couch and lick my nonexistent balls. Then again, I'm at the mercy of the humans. They could make my life miserable if they wanted to. So instead I lie in wait for the two bright moments of the day when I get my tiny ration of food and scarf it down in about 10 seconds. Poop. But knock on wood, I've still got my health.

Just Call Me George Hamilton

Ah, lazy Sunday. I spent the day laying on top of the couch, the sun shining down on me, soaking up the warm rays and dreaming of getting more than a measly half-cup of food for my meals. Mommy and Daddy even played with me and my toys for a while. I got a new pink pig with a squeaker in its butt. Very hoity-toity. Then my friend Lori came over and let me lay all over her while she pet me and scratched my ears. What a great day! Now, I'm winding down with some serious paw-licking before going to bed. I think I got a lot accomplished today. So I guess that means I can save my plans for overthrowing the humans and taking over my food supply for tomorrow.