I've Been a Bad Bad Boy

When will they learn? I'm just a dog. Why do they keep expecting me to act like a human? Mommy's been leaving her work bag on the floor by the door again. There's something in there that smells good. And as soon as they leave the house, I high-tail it on over there to check it out. She thinks she's being so clever because she closes the clasp. But I have my ways. I can be very persistent when I want to be. While she was away at Grandma's and Grandpa's, I got into it and pulled out her pens, business cards, and Post-It flags and chewed on all of them. They all smelled like the yummy yummy bubble gum and I figured maybe they'd taste like it, too. But alas, they were quite bland and I got yelled at when Daddy got home. Then she closes it up again but leaves it on the floor. So of course, as soon as they leave, I drag it under the table (that's my lair when I like to take all my prey) and pull out an empty Ziplock bag. It had peanuts in it but I must have been too late. Damn! But that's OK. Idiots left out a Frappucino cup (partly full) on the end table and I had a party with that 'til they came home. I thought I was being clever because I hid the cup under the sofa after I was done. But the damn straw managed to stay out on the rug. Traitor!