We're Just 2 Wild and Crazy Guys

Mommy's going to see her family so it's going to be just Daddy and me, two swingin' bachelors in da house. I believe our plans for the weekend will include sitting in our underwear, scratching ourselves, and a lot of pooping and farting. Since it'll be just the two of us, maybe we'll order out and get us a nice big pizza. I want peanut butter on my half. I wonder if this means I get to sleep in the bed with Daddy? I better not push my luck. Maybe he'll cut the grass so I'll actually step on it. Right now it's a little long and damp from the rain and my dainty paws can't handle that so I just poop on the cement walk in the yard. Classy.