Sorry

Hi Mommy. I know I've been calling you the female human up until now but I want you to know that I really do think of you as my mom even though we both know I wear the pants in this family. And I want you to know that I'm really sorry that I pooped in front of the door to the patio this morning while you and Daddy were out. I know I should have gone when you took me out before you left but I swear, I didn't have to go right then! And while you were both gone, I really had to go but I couldn't hold it any longer and so I pooped just a little bit. But I did it right in front of the door to the yard and I promise I was unhappy the whole time I did it and I'm really sorry and please don't be mad anymore. You saw that when you came home I was on the couch all cowering and quivering because I knew you'd be upset. I didn't do it on purpose. I think it's the new weight loss food. The vet said it might make me go poopy more and I think it's happening (which, by the way, do you have me on some sort of designer doggie laxative to drop weight? For Christ's sake, this ain't Hollywood! Sorry, didn't mean that, please don't be mad). So Mommy, please give me another chance and you'll see that I'll make you the happiest human in the world. Please don't get rid of me like my other owner did. I love you.